I don't often write about my dad; there are just too many other things I enjoy writing about. I am in the process of writing a lengthy journal about our relationship, but it's a very complicated thing; not something to fit in one post and something I would like to sort out completely before sharing it (if I decide to share it.) That said, there are some things I want people to know about my dad.

*He was raised on a small farm in Stiles, Wisconsin. I know very little about his family (we were not close), but I know that Dad's dad was physically abusive to him. He never, ever said a bad word about his dad, speaking of him with a lot of respect. I think physical abuse was just part of his family's culture, and he knew no other way to discipline us kids.

*Dad was one of the hardest workers I have ever met. In truth, he was a workaholic. He was also an alcoholic, and in later years, a gambler. Obviously, he had demons he spent his life trying to escape.

*He quit drinking for good shortly after I left home in 1982.

*He had strong faith in God and a relationship with Christ.

*Dad died in 2003; he found out he had leukemia on a Wednesday and passed away the following Monday. His passing (the entire process and events that took place during that week) was a beautiful, healing experience for our whole family. This story is

*The last words Dad ever said to me were "You're beautiful," and "You're an angel," when I held his hand in the hospital.

*I loved him. He was my dad, and I forgave him a long time ago for his faults.

*I have no regrets.

These details are important, because while I will sometimes tell some terrible childhood stories in my blog, it's important to me that people know that I loved him and that he was not a monster; he was tortured by low self-esteem, childhood wounds of his own, and the disease of alcoholism. Single posts cannot paint the whole picture, so I wrote this as a supplement, so that I don't need to feel guilty about sharing negative things. It's just very complicated, and this post gives me some peace, knowing that it shows a more complete picture than some of my posts will.

Thanks for reading...


WheresMyAngels said...

People do the best they can and it is not always easy doing the right thing, when you weren't brought up knowing it.

Beautiful post.

Apryll said...

Wow, thanks for sharing about your dad. I'm glad God orchestrated a chance for healing before your dad passed.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and sharing all the comment love. :)

diana said...

someone once told me this and it has stuck with me and makes me look at people and circumstances differently than i used to...

"everyone responds from their own point of pain."

we all have a point of pain and we all respond to life and others in accordance to that point.

it's heartwarming to me to hear you talk about your dad and say that you love(d) him despite some of the pain he inflicted.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I never knew my dad was abusive. No way!!

Mrs4444 said...

Anonymous, I'm not sure if you're referring to my dad or my dad's dad, but your comment (if it's about Dad's dad) has got me thinking... I guess I could be wrong about his being physically abusive...maybe I've made an assumption, based on the fact that both of his sons were physically abusive fathers.... Now you've definitely got me thinking.... Can two men grow up to physically their kids without having been physically abused themselves? Hmm. I hope we can talk about this one day. (You know where to find me. :)

Holli Glendenning said...

You are a beautiful person to forgive your Dad for the demons he faced every day. We all have demons and we all hope and pray people will forgive us for them. How wonderful that you could do that or your Dad!