Dad

I don't often write about my dad; there are just too many other things I enjoy writing about. I am in the process of writing a lengthy journal about our relationship, but it's a very complicated thing; not something to fit in one post and something I would like to sort out completely before sharing it (if I decide to share it.) That said, there are some things I want people to know about my dad.

*He was raised on a small farm in Stiles, Wisconsin. I know very little about his family (we were not close), but I know that Dad's dad was physically abusive to him. He never, ever said a bad word about his dad, speaking of him with a lot of respect. I think physical abuse was just part of his family's culture, and he knew no other way to discipline us kids.

*Dad was one of the hardest workers I have ever met. In truth, he was a workaholic. He was also an alcoholic, and in later years, a gambler. Obviously, he had demons he spent his life trying to escape.

*He quit drinking for good shortly after I left home in 1982.

*He had strong faith in God and a relationship with Christ.

*Dad died in 2003; he found out he had leukemia on a Wednesday and passed away the following Monday. His passing (the entire process and events that took place during that week) was a beautiful, healing experience for our whole family. This story is

*The last words Dad ever said to me were "You're beautiful," and "You're an angel," when I held his hand in the hospital.

*I loved him. He was my dad, and I forgave him a long time ago for his faults.

*I have no regrets.

These details are important, because while I will sometimes tell some terrible childhood stories in my blog, it's important to me that people know that I loved him and that he was not a monster; he was tortured by low self-esteem, childhood wounds of his own, and the disease of alcoholism. Single posts cannot paint the whole picture, so I wrote this as a supplement, so that I don't need to feel guilty about sharing negative things. It's just very complicated, and this post gives me some peace, knowing that it shows a more complete picture than some of my posts will.

Thanks for reading...